Confessions of an Imperial Secret Agent
by Brievel
Summary: A former Grey Jedi contemplates her place in the New Order.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Lady Brievel, and I am a member of the Imperial Ruling Council. Unlike my fellows, I wield true power – for I am also an Imperial Secret Agent, calling 'Master' the man I once swore to destroy. I am cold, ruthless, bringing him the heads of enemies – enemies not only of him, but of myself. I do as he says, within the parameters I set for myself and he accepted. For I was the only one with the gall to negotiate with him, before the end of the Clone Wars and the fall of the Republic – neither seeking to destroy him, as the Jedi did, nor ingratiate myself, as was Pestage's aim, nor yet to negotiate with the Chancellor of the Republic, but to negotiate with _him_ – with Darth Sidious, Sith Master. And I succeeded, the only Jedi, however Grey, to have a place in the New Order.

He thinks me weak, to not reach out and take the power that Turning would grant me. Those to whom power is everything do not understand the strength it takes to refuse power. They do not know, or do not care to admit, that there are those whose wills are not merely strong enough to wrest control of the Dark Side, but to refuse it. If I wanted, I could be more powerful yet – I have the raw energy, certainly. I could be one of his Adepts, or even a Hand, should I choose – but I am content to remain as I am. Instead, I draw the cloak of darkness closer about the Light in my core, hiding myself from my Master.

But his perception of my weakness works in my favor, for he does not believe I could ever be a threat to him. Perhaps he is right, for he does wield immense and terrifying power, and he is a Master of Prescience. Doubtless, he has seen countless futures where I betray him. Surely, he realizes that once we no longer share goals, I will want no part of his schemes. He warned me, at the very beginning, of the consequences, should I turn my back on him, and I accepted them. I am not easy to kill, however.

He cares nothing for the people of his vast Empire, but he does not like corruption or inefficiency, if it does not serve him. Whatever else the Empire may be, no one can accuse it of inefficiency. Oh, the band of fools around me, certainly, certain officials, unarguably, but despite these ineffectual bureaucrats, things are actually accomplished in the Empire. As long as the Emperor has his power, has the Force, he is content – much of the actual running of the galaxy itself is left to his more capable minions, such as Lord Vader – such as myself. Because I agreed to become his servant, he rewarded me.

For such were the nature of our negotiations. I came to him, fully cognizant of who he was and is, and made him an offer of a deal – some of our goals coincided, and where they diverged, neither of us was interested in the other's chosen path. He studies the Force, immersing himself in the Dark Side and training his apprentice. As one of the most important members of the Council, I placate the people, keeping dissension to a minimum and suppressing rebellion. Am I cruel? Some would say so. But it is my privilege, and my duty, to fight for the citizens of the Empire. Is it cruel to shut down dissenters? Many would say so, if asked. But those who I quietly remove, do not bring suffering to the rest of the galaxy. How many individuals does it take to make a collective? A question I must never stop asking, to balance peace, and justice. The people have more freedoms than they realize, because those freedoms were never infringed. Is it entirely because of me? I do not know. Possibly not, even probably not. I do know that I fight, constantly.

I made a deal with evil incarnate, hiding behind a refined face. A deal that I have honored, and a deal that he has honored – for now. We are at a stalemate, for he could have me killed instantly – but his Empire could well crumble without me to help prop it up. An uneasy alliance, indubitably, but I've found I rather enjoy flirting with danger. For now, the alliance continues to work, because for now, I keep bringing him the heads of our mutual enemies.

* * *

 ** _For now, this is only a one-shot, based on the current negotiations I'm undergoing with Chancellor Palpatine regarding the future. This outcome may yet change - for always in motion, is the future - or may be continued. Time will tell, but for now, it stands alone.  
_**


	2. Chapter 2

There are certain tricks to getting ahead with a Sith Lord. Accept that you are, and always will be, a pawn – and work within those parameters. If your goals align, even nominally, with said Sith's, you should be able to get what you want, at least for a little. You might not like the route you must take to get where you want – you _will_ be manipulated, you _will_ be used, but if you want what he wants, you'll get it.

Which is not to say, you should be stupid about getting what you want, any more than striking deals with Sith is stupid. You must keep your wits about you, be neither insolent nor obsequious, show that you can be useful while respectfully insisting on your own terms. Don't push too far, and annoy them, but push far enough to establish your requirements and show your spirit.

Further, you must learn to play nicely with the other minions – you are not, and never will be, the only tool. Your new Sith Master may or may not enjoy pitting you against each other, but you'd better keep an eye out and make sure your antagonizing of the other fools who've gotten themselves into such a compromising situation doesn't end up antagonizing your boss.

If you are truly going to be loyal, you should be aware that the ties of loyalty bind tightly indeed. If, for instance, one of your friends is aiding the enemy, you will be forced to choose whether to capture or eliminate your friend, or betray your master and aid the enemy by allowing your friend to go free. There is an easy way out, of course – capture your friend, hold them prisoner where they'll be unable to aid their cause, but you do not question them or permanently neutralize the threat. But ultimately, by not gathering as much information from them as possible and disposing of them, you will be cheating your Master. Loyalty, true loyalty, is no easy bond, or light yoke.

If you're put into a public position of power, don't panic. Your new Master may find it expedient to have you visible, plus it helps cut down on suspicion of you – especially if you're a public enemy of your Master. The position may also increase your own comfort, and can be used to further your own ends – for the whole point of submitting to a Sith, and taking them as a Master, is to piggy-back on their power to achieve your own aims.

No matter how wrapped up you become in sorting out new loyalties and duties, it is essential not lose sight of your goals. Some compromise of yourself is necessary, for you are dabbling very dangerously in Darkness, but you _must_ remember who you were, and who you want to be – or else you will be lost entirely. If you do not wish to become just another mindless drone, you _must_ retain your sense of self within your new identity. It is difficult, as you adjust to serving another, and it is a most insidious danger, but all the more perilous for that.

Whatever decisions you make, whatever your Master requires of you, whatever position you find yourself in – do not forget, you are dancing with Darkness. If you play with fire, you will be burned – it is only a matter of how badly.


	3. Chapter 3

It's _scary_ , taking that oath, swearing yourself to the service of a Sith. After you make that promise, there's no going back – this isn't a contract that you can really break. That's when it hits you, that you're pitting your wits against someone to whom galactic domination is, or shortly will be, a reality.

It's momentous. Like it or not, your entire universe just shifted. You are _answerable_ now, to a very exacting Master. Your new responsibilities are enormous.

It's empowering. You're answering to the Big Bad now, but otherwise, you're safe – untouchable, even. You are very nearly autonomous.

It's horrifying. You've just sold yourself to the embodiment of evil, and no matter how you try to justify or rationalize it, you will carry that stain forever. You are irreversibly claimed by Darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Those who want power, do not understand those who do not – which works nicely in our favor. One cannot toast a marshmallow with an atomic bomb – or rather, one can, but the marshmallow will not be edible afterward, and you won't be around to eat it, anyway. A small campfire is sometimes better than a grenade.

Unless you're toasting a mile of marshmallows at once, that is.

Unfortunately, those who do not want power, are usually the ones who should have it – an age-old mantra that everyone knows, yet no-one seems to get. I certainly never desired power for power's sake, what a dreadful responsibility and stress – but I have also always felt an overwhelming desire to _fix_ things. Luckily for me, I got the chance to do precisely that.

The denizens of my new galaxy believe my planet is Kuat, not only of position, but of birth. It is not, I am, in fact, a transplant from another galaxy, and one day, when I can, I shall return home. (We've adapted the famous adage, there, you can take the girl out but you can't take it out the girl...) For all my mind lived for years in this galaxy, home is where my heart still lies, and if I ever get a chance... but I digress.

I could not stay there, where I was powerless to fix what was broken. I was driven out, driven away, by those who broke the system – and those who could not look beyond the superficial. They were so obsessed with their own small worlds, so selfish, never looking beyond their limited horizons, following thoughts to the logical conclusion – only caring about what happened in the world around so far as it affected _them_. I first touched the Dark side then – for despair, anger, contempt, and feelings of superiority are unarguably Dark.

I looked into another galaxy, and saw there a bloated, corrupted Republic that held its complacent citizens hypnotized, a reeking Senate propped up on the crutch of an outdated, hypocritical Order, doing its masters' bidding and all but licking their over-polished boots. I saw a man there whose goals nominally coincided with mine – tear down the ineffectual system run by the selfish, vaunted by the deluded, and replace it with something that works. He wielded Darkness a weapon, cruelty as a pastime, wore kindness and gentleness as a disguise – but he had power. He had the power to do what needed to be done, what I longed to do. He could grant me the power to do what I longed to do.

It was foolish, unquestionable foolish, but I approached him. I asked him for a share of his power – a campfire, to his atomic bomb. It was a knife-edge I walked, and walk, but I balance willingly – as long as I serve his purposes, and his purposes serve mine, I shall not fall and cut myself. Our execution of our goals differ, and would differ more vastly still were our positions reversed – but the goals, at least some, are the same.

My home is still broken, the populace, still willing, short-sighted fools, led around by liars, thieves, and murderers. But my new home, it is fixed – it is working. I am fixing it, and like a well-care-for shrub, I tend it – pruning away old growth and dead branches, watering it, fertilizing it, nurturing it... loving it. I have always been loyal to a fault, though time and experience has taught me care in bestowing that loyalty. I swore an oath, of utter fealty – an oath I will not betray. Threats do not sway me, I care little enough for my own life and, aside from my family (who remain in my home galaxy!) I care for nothing – possessions mean very little. No, I am keeping my oath largely because I swore it. My life is forfeit, if ever I stray – but that does not worry me, because I won't.

And, in the meantime, I continue to keep things running _right_.

* * *

 **A/N 1: A note on the "Complete" status: the first chapter of this was supposed to be a one-shot, hence the original status, but as this is less a story and more a collection of introverted ponderings in a fictional setting, no "next chapter" is ever _needed_ to drive a plot forward. Therefore I will not be changing this to in-progress at any point.  
**

 **A/N 2: If you like Confessions (and even if you don't!) you should really go read DarthRuinous' Musings of a Master. It's sort of a response-companion piece to this... er... non-story, and much better in a much smaller package. Plus, who can resist the temptation to go into _Palpatine's_ mind?**


	5. Chapter 5

If your new Sith Master gives you a choice about what kind of posting you want, choose something in economics. You might think you want to be in a legislative, executive, or judicial position – but whoever controls the money, controls all other branches. You want to be in economics – or secretary of the treasury, or whatever the title is of the person who writes the checks. It is your favor the other positions will want to curry, because you have the power to confirm or condemn their pet projects. Of course, you'll also make lots of enemies from this position, but that's a given anyway.

Nor is your sphere of influence limited to mere checks. You have the ability to audit – a process dreaded by the corrupt, lazy, and pedantic alike. With your capacity to cut off their flow of currency and make their lives miserable, you should have most governments dancing to your tune.

Your influence can reach yet further, however, if you play it right – you can, for instance, back the candidate of your choice, if your government is nominally a democracy or republic, or if it isn't, you can affirm or indemnify the current leader(s). To a populace who is, collectively, concerned with their pocketbooks, as opposed to social issues, the endorsement or revilement of the leading monetary expert should carry a lot of weight. (If it does not, you may want to look into reform of your school system. Or perhaps widespread genetic modification for increased intelligence.)

Neither should you think that you cannot affect social issues – directly, you cannot, true, theoretically, you cannot. However, here is where the previous topic truly comes into play: the politicians want your favor. A few subtle hints dropped, during casual conversation (or less subtle hints, slammed down, for the more dense,) can do a great deal towards advancing your agenda. (It should be noted here, that those you have repeatedly turned down may carry grudges, and perhaps work against whatever you support, simply to work against you. This can be alleviated, to some degree, by remaining on good terms with everyone, or alternately, flaunting your power and standing and scaring everyone into submission.) Theoretically, an ideal would be maintaining a personal amiability and political opposition with your adversaries.

If the members of the governing body prove uncooperative on an issue in which you are interested, there is still another recourse open to you. More or less discreetly remind the candidate you funded – or leader you endorsed – of your support, and suggest they return the favor. Depending on how extensive your support was, and whether it has continued, this can be used for multiple issues. This tack can also be used, to a lesser extent, on those whose projects you have allowed to be funded. Obviously, the more you have funded them, the bigger/more favors you can pull in return.

If it is physical power you want (as opposed to the power of the Force,) take a monetary posting.


	6. Chapter 6

_He is, in many ways, the father she never had – she will not admit it to anyone (her adopted brother is both impressed and appalled at her apparent fearlessness, but_ he _knows, she suspects, because he knows she is not a fool) – not even herself, that she is afraid of him. But she respects him, too, for all he is harsh and cruel, he protects and disciplines her (and she serves him, but he still takes care of her, and he needn't.) He is demanding, but she is demanding of herself (and she has been setting and meeting her own standards for so long that to meet another's is entirely novel to her, and isn't that what a father does anyway?)_

 _She is not the only one who thinks of him so, she knows (she has been told) but her brother does not think of her as a sister (and she dares not think of him as more, because even if it were permitted it would destroy them both.) Her family (families) has (have) never been what it (they) should, and so this dysfunction is nothing new to her (familiarity means comfort)._

 _He doesn't know (he would be furious), he cannot know what he means to her (love is weakness, Light is weakness), he knows he has her loyalty (she took an oath, but while her word is important to her such sworn loyalty is nothing to what she feels for those she loves, and she knows what pain he was in) but she hides what else she has given him. He tolerates her, tolerates her perceived weakness (and she has stopped trying to show him what strength the Light gives, because for all she is devoted to him, she is not under any illusions that she is entirely dispensable to him, and the appearance of weakness can be useful, because though she is not a threat she cannot afford to be seen as one.) What was once an alliance of necessity (he tried to kill her, at the very first meeting, and it was only a chance joke that saved her, but she spent much of her life before that doing everything in her limited power to undermine and subvert him) has developed into, if not affection, a working relationship (and she would fight and die for him now, willingly, because he is_ hers _, her Master, her father). He indulges her, she knows (because though he could use her friends against her, he does not, and he permits friendships that aren't profitable to him), because her sister was unpardonably insolent to him (and she thought they were both going to die, that day, for while she's impudent, she's never been rude), and he did nothing but threaten (although he bides his time, but at this point, she doesn't think he'll do anything – but she's not bringing her sister back again.)_

 _She knows well that her life and all she loves is forfeit if she ever betrays him (but she won't, not now,) for such were the terms of their deal (and she thinks that she impressed him then, when she bargained with him, instead of either fully resisting or fully surrendering.) He knows now that she bends and sways, but does not break (they talked for hours, after that fiasco at the Jedi Temple, and while she should've been severely punished for her part in it, he did not enforce his displeasure, and they learned much of each other that afternoon.) He, like her brother, learned quickly not to underestimate her (for all she appeared so juvenile; as he was fond of saying, appearances could be deceiving, and he'd seen her fight) and she was not the only one to project a facade (they all did, and she learned quickly to recognize facades even if it was too dangerous to penetrate them.) She knows, too, that she will die in his service, (for treachery is the way of the Sith, and he is the Master – and she must defend him with her life, but there is no way she could defeat a Sith, even an apprentice) – but he fought in her defense, and so she will die for him._

 _She is on a leash, but it is a long one, and there are times she suspects he lets it slip, (there are times, secret and deep, where she cannot help but wonder if he is the tiniest bit fond of her, for he teases her, and that is not in his nature, but it is one reason she is able to love him, as it makes him real,) for she has more leeway than she ever thought she'd have (but when he is angry, it is terrifying, and though she does not cower, there are times she's in an agony of fear for the ones she loves.) Her brother (never any more, no matter how he tries) has a longer leash yet, but she is so much his junior (the least of her Master's agents, if not his tools,) that she cannot find it in her to envy him (he enjoys the kill, but she hates it – which amuses her Master, but then, too, she does his bidding when he bids her kill). She does not envy any of his agents (but Pestage fascinates her, for all he is slimy and sadistic, he is loyal, and she prizes loyalty highly, but he hates her and she has given up trying to warm him to her, for she does not like him either,) for she is unique among them (they are all Dark, and she is Light – her Master's pet Grey Jedi, or enslaved Jedi, depending on his mood – a metaphor incarnate of the dominion of the Dark over the Light, but as she told him, the Light has a talent for returning from defeat, and she may be a servant but she is still_ alive _) and he deals with them more harshly than she. (Her friend, dear friend, who got her into this whole mess, too many times, she's taken in after a punishment, although it's less often her fault now, and it gives her an excuse to spend time with someone she cares about – although she dare not use the Light.) Their perceived punishments are different (he pondered having her tail a Jedi for a week as punishment for her hand in the fiasco at the Temple, but discarded the idea when she relished it as a chance to hone her skills and find out more of the Order that never wanted her.) He had her coming up with her own punishments (and it felt presumptive, but in hindsight, it made sense, and her ideas amused him, plus it was not an entirely unfamiliar situation) after that really stupid prank she pulled (which went so terribly, terribly wrong at the very beginning with no way to back out, and she got her friend – dear friend – into trouble too, but at least she learned her lesson!)_

 _The others, for the most part, do not like her either (but she accidentally got wrapped up in inter-operative rivalries immediately, and a rash decision entirely alienated one she would sooner have kept at least neutral towards her, but his rival – her brother – liked her from the time they first met.) They, too, perceive her as weak and untrustworthy, because of her Light (and she understands why they would think her goals do not align with theirs; they do only in the broadest sense, but she has told no one of her true purpose in her affiliation with the Sith and the Dark – to protect the people from the inside, for it is the common being that holds her sympathy – but at least some align, and he knows partially, for it was understood at the beginning that she would have a voice in the Empire both knew was imminent, as long as she didn't interfere in anything that didn't concern her.) She does not care about their opinions any farther than they affect her (and she has made more of an effort, recently, to not antagonize them, for she'd rather be neutral at least than enemies, if possible.)_

 _He does not like families – did not have one worth having – and so she does not tell him that she has adopted him and his operatives as hers. He does not know that he is her father-figure (but her brother, she thinks, at least has his suspicions, and possibly her close friend too,) does not know that she has a brother (however much he tries to be more, he cannot be,) that she considers the others annoying extended family (cousins, perhaps, not uncles and aunts, quite.) She cannot let him know the true depth of her loyalty to him and his vision, for he would be furious at being the object of her "weakness." So she keeps quiet about her devotion to him, masking it with her obnoxious cheer and mischievousness, and she serves him – (her Master, her father.)_


	7. Chapter 7

_She does not remember when, exactly, sworn loyalty turned into given loyalty. Perhaps there was no_ exact when _, for by the time she was plotting with her friend (Sith friend) to de-Sith him, sworn loyalty had long been given loyalty. Not that de-Sith was quite the right term – she had no desire to strip him of who he was, or his ambitions – but it tickled her that a Sith would wish to de-Sith another Sith, and so privately, that is what she called it._

 _They knew when they planned it that they would get in trouble for it, for wanting to help the hurt festering deep inside him. He was not willing, was not open to help – but their loyalty was strong enough, they were willing to risk it anyway._


End file.
